You won’t always be able to show up for others
It’s great to be there for others, it’s a true testament to our love and kindness, our humanity and super-powers. The best of us.
We all need to take care of ourselves too. And that’s not selfish by the way. Even when people are disappointed that you didn’t show up at the right time or in the right way for them.
Do not believe that taking a break from being there to do something for you is a bad thing. Certainly don’t take any ensuing guilt trip or attack personally. If you’re a kind, understanding person, the moment you step away and do something for you, speak your mind, stand up for self…some people won’t like it, they will react in different ways, from suggesting you’re not you to blaming and shaming you for abandoning them or treating them like ‘shit’.
It’s hard to hear, as such a person the natural instinct is to respond to this kind of guilt trip by putting it right, to throw love at it, to fix, make better, to heal, to solve. But we don’t solve anything by doing that, we simply self-sacrifice and enable whatever it is that *someone else* is projecting onto us (their trauma).
We cannot be slaves to other peoples needs, fears, insecurities, egos and traumas. As much as we love and care for people, we cannot be their crux, their rock, anchor or emotional punchbag. We cannot protect people from their shame. The demand is too great nor our responsibility. That doesn’t mean we don’t care, that we’re a bad person. It simply means being grounded in our own truth, self-worth, values and setting boundaries to that affect. This is the secure self in action. That’s all. Anyone who tells you or makes you feel like that’s a bad thing…hhmmm?
We’re allowed to take time for us. To say “No” or “Yes”. To walk away. To be there or not. To not do the overtime expected of us. To not go to that thing. To do something else or even fuck all. We must always choose our wellbeing above anything and anyone else.
That’s okay people.
Don’t allow others to make you believe differently, to doubt or question yourself, your character, feelings, values, love, intention or integrity.