Sometimes, Just Let Go Of What Others Think
This is another one of those valuable lessons we learn in life.
Whilst not dissimilar to ‘don’t take it personally’ – this life lesson is about our identity and self-awareness; *knowing* who we are and what we put out there in the world rather than not taking what others say or do to heart.
It’s about being confident and unflappable in our truth against the inevitable judgement, cross-examination, misunderstanding and rejection we face in life every day.
Our self, character, intentions, values and meaning. Our actions, words, thoughts, even our being. Once vacating ‘us’, they travel through the ether and enter someone else through their filter (brain). An interpretation or understanding is formed from their perspective, their lens into the world, creating a unique perception of us and everything about us.
We can be perceived as weak when we’re strong or strong when we’re weak. Critical when challenging. Untrustworthy when honest. Selfish when selfless. Uncaring when loving. Aggressive when passionate. Controlling when setting boundaries. Shy when confident. Angry when at peace.
All manner of things can and will be misunderstood. Perception is uniquely individual. Informed by *all* our experiences and learned behaviours. Our values, fears, traumas and judgements about ourselves. What we see out there can be a reflection of something within.
Self-awareness gives us a better chance to separate what we see in others from our self - we see them and ourselves simultaneously.
Our judge of character and instincts are more in tune when we better know self and become more secure in that truth. Being accountable makes us unflappable because to know self means to know our worst as much as our best. Meaning neither can be twisted, mistaken, used against us or be a source of self-sabotage.
Once ‘we’ vacate ‘us’, what we say or do is no longer under the realm of our control, intention or indeed responsibility. We can be seen, heard and accepted or mangled into something unrecognisable to us.
All we can do is show up. Live our truth and let others think what they’re gonna think, see what they see and hear what they hear (living theirs).
Having confidence in our truth is crucial because that truth is kinda like our attachment to reality. It’s good to know self. That our intentions are in fact good, that we communicate our self honestly.
It’s often easy to ignore the blatant misjudgements and assumptions by others. We can also choose to correct people and communicate differently if we feel it pertinent to do so – but we don’t have to.
Communication is the battle ground where most fractures occur in (any) relationship between us humans. Sometimes, when all else fails and we find ourselves feeling a need to clarify, prove or justify our self repeatedly, it’s about time we simply cracked on and let go.
If we do persevere, it can become a confused, resentful frustration of sorts. The more we attempt to clear things up with no ground seemingly being made, we can experience a form of detachment from self and begin to ask questions about our own truth (reality). Because ours has essentially been invalidated.
The impact of trauma (particularly emotional abuse) can devastate our truth. We can be ripped of emotions, our core beliefs, of trust, our sense of safety, love and self. Making it a mind-bending task to know, be confident in or communicate our self.
It’s a scenario with the potential to cause incredible internal distress. And why letting go of others perceptions and rejections of us is fundamental in taking care of our wellbeing or reconnecting to self post detachment.
Whilst some dicks out there will use all manner of abusive tactics to try and mangle reality, most people aren’t so intentional, or even aware. However, harm is still done regardless, those feelings of rejection and invalidation still exist.
It may sound like an obvious thing to be aware of, and not something that should lead to such extremes as detachment from self. But it can and does happen. Even when we’re pretty secure in our truth.
Monster tip – get to know yourself so well that when you do encounter conflicting perceptions or treatment of you they simply pass you by (whether malicious or not).
It’s not about being a robot – simply grounded in self. In our truth.
To trust our truth we need to keep checking-in.
We learn continuously as humans. If we don’t we stand still and get left behind, so don’t be afraid to dig deep and question self as part of that learning. Review your own perceptions, words, actions and thoughts – as well as all the seemingly insignificant day to day goings on. Listen too, so you may expand your own awareness.
Ensure you’re taking care of your end and not contributing to any misperceptions you face. When you find something within that is impacting your truth, be mindful when that unconscious tries to takes the reins.
If you’re living your truth honestly and respectfully but are still misunderstood – accept it, let go and continue showing up for you – we have no control over how others see or hear us so don’t waste your time and wellbeing trying to prove yourself.
Feeling misunderstood as a human being can of course be hurtful and frustrating. We naturally want to be seen, heard and understood. We want our truth to be known – our values, character and intentions. Our awesomeness. Our needs and boundaries. Our fears, flaws, fantasies and fant-a-notsies. Our deepest thoughts and feelings – we want to be accepted and valued – especially with those we’re closest.
That’s what being misunderstood or mistreated boils down to - rejection, when we want (or need) to feel accepted.
In reality, such understanding and acceptance can take a long time with others, which is why confidence and trust in our own perception of self is the fulfilment we need and acceptance that matters.
To be seen, we need to show ourselves consistently. To show ourselves we need to know who we actually are and be confident in who that is. When we are, our communication of that self is far clearer (authentic) from our side of the being-human curtain of mystery and intrigue. Leaving less room and opportunity for any rejection.
Be sure (as anyone can be) in your truth. And that that truth is actually who you want to be. Then, become unflappable in protecting that truth, unfazed by the assumptions and judgements of others against it.
Be you. And let the world flow around you.