Daaamn, what a f*ck.
They say “Ignorance is bliss”. I couldn’t agree more, we’ve all been there, we all start there in fact. Our ignorance is all we have to go by so why would we question it? What we’re told, what we’re taught, what we’re shown is truth, fact and the best way to do things, the best way to be.
We receive it all into our self, all of these lessons about life and what it means to be human in all it’s encompassing nature from our parents/families, teachers, friends, strangers, the media, TV shows, our leaders, society, our species as a whole and all of our combined history – but who are they to define us?
It isn’t until we ask questions, nudge our thinking in different directions (inward) that we begin to lift the veil of ignorance that manipulates us. From our family roles to our own relationship goals, if we don’t choose and act as who we want to be for ourselves, we will forever be under the influence of other peoples version of the truth, of what it means to be us.
I don’t begrudge those who don’t, I get it, I know how comforting bliss feels. Why rock the boat? Why make things difficult? Why challenge or stand for anything? But throughout my life I’ve been reminded time and again why rocking the boat of ‘that’s just how it is’, by doing the so-called difficult thing, by truth-telling, by challenging anything that grates against my values, that this more difficult path in life is the path to happiness, peace of mind, knowing self, others, reeeal lurv…living itself.
So whilst I respect everyone’s choices, I will always choose an authentic life over one of denial.
Denial simply corrupts our soul by preventing it the air it needs to be seen, heard and felt. Not just within by us, but out there by everyone else.
How many people have you met who tell you (themselves) ‘everything is great’ when in the background you see the fallout of the denial left in their wake? Broken partners, kids, distant friends, jobs they hate, constant needs to fill a void they know exists but don’t understand or deny is important.
That void is our soul gasping for breath. Don’t deny it that.
If our pursuit of authenticity leads toward living, our addiction to denial leads toward loneliness.
This is a harsh truth, and why Monsters strive to learn and understand what it means to be human. They challenge the fragility of bliss and all the things we find within its denial; avoidance, fixed-mindsets, self-hate, self-doubt, blame, disrespect, discrimination, fear, pride, ego, trauma, worthlessness…
In their pursuit, they experience open arms, but also guards that project hate, abuse and hurt. Still, they stand firm in their belief that nobody should ever feel alone. As much as people may find ways to fight this, fear it and argue with it, this truth is goodwill on the hunt. There is no denying goodwill or the love that backs it up. It’s humanity 101.
People can try, but respectfully, they’d be wrong (and their trauma fucking knows it).
But by its nature, denial does not want to be removed so these reactions are inevitable and understandable. We humans often have valid reasons for it. The comfort we feel in its presence, whilst knowingly fragile and fleeting to us, is comfort all the same. In our survival mode, that comfort is our greatest asset, something we value and protect above all else, viciously and violently if deemed necessary by our subconscious – because we know what life without comfort feels like.
Monsters respect this, they understand. Each and every human being on earth has to do what’s best for them. We are all accountable for ourselves and the choice-makers in our own life. As much as they may disagree, they accept that we all know what best looks like for us.
Our accountability becomes the pivot on which we exist. We all know right from wrong, as much as people challenge it through “That’s your perspective, your opinion”. We all know.
So denial becomes something that prevents our accountability, not least for self, but what that self projects on the world around us. We all know that hurting ourselves and others is wrong. We know (as others do) that it isn’t who we really are too.
But we also know why we do what we do, and that only we can do anything to stop it.
Denial does not want to see the cracks and holes in its version of the truth, because it’s deemed as being too critical to accept any alternative.
This is why people get hurt, because in denial, there’s no room for empathy, nobody else’s version of the truth is valid, because it contradicts and threatens the ‘truth’ the mind creates (to ‘protect’).
But it isn’t us we protect, it’s ego and those who caused it harm. Those we avoid holding to account (or can’t) for why this protection was necessary in the first place. Denial is the image that all is swell, that we’re content, that our job makes us happy, that our families are healthy and don’t re-traumatise us, that our relationship is a place of happiness and harmony, when under the surface it’s a different story.
Because how can it be true when it isn’t shared or is consistently challenged by those closest to us? Those who love us, have our back and best interests at heart – a life where we can be ourselves. The self they see behind the mask and beyond the guards with which we keep them and our true self at bay.
The misperception of denial is that we’re right, always. That our image of whatever it is our traumatic nervous system has created for us is true. And so to accept that it’s not, that we may actually be causing our problems, leads to the idea that our acceptance of this would break us, destroy us, that we’re not capable, even undeserving of a better life for ourselves.
The isn’t true. We are not baaad people nor broken. But until we are able to accept ourselves (inc faults), we will live in the prison of denial, and be suppressed, held back by it. Perpetuating trauma.
This is the master lie of trauma. This is the final ‘layer’ we peel off in healing. The root of it all. The last step we take in moving forward from a state of surviving to living – by OWNING our shit. For that reason, it’s the hardest to do, the biggest challenge we face, and the one that only we can choose to embrace.
I hope all make that choice, for nothing other than their soul.
You deserve it. You are strong enough. You have got this.
Choose life, not denial.